It’s no secret I’ve always been attracted to “bad boys” throughout life. I remember writing a High School paper on the outlaw, Billy The Kid. Some of my classmates thought it was strange, but it wasn’t to me.
I came by it honest – that attraction. My dad was a hard-working man that never committed a crime in his life other than a little light boot-legging in his younger years. But, he had a great admiration for the outlaws of his time. Bonnie and Clyde, Pretty Boy Floyd, Machine Gun Kelly, and Baby Face Nelson were just a few of the outlaws he looked up to. I remember, as a child, going with him to see Bonnie and Clyde’s car, with all the bullet holes in it, on display in Oklahoma City.
But, no wonder. He’d come through the horrible Great Depression; a time when they had no home and no food to eat. He admired the outlaws for taking from the rich. If he hadn’t been a family man, it is possible that he might have been tempted to follow their lead.
Nevertheless, that affinity to outlaws got passed down to me. I fantasized about riding on the back of a Harley with the infamous Sonny Barger and dreamed of being rescued from religious oppression by a swarthy pirate. So, it was no surprise when I was drawn to a Texas outlaw musician at the young age of 19. And, then when they sent him to prison with a 75-year sentence, it was no surprise that I wound up marrying a Harley rider. I openly admit that without the Harley, this man would have held no attraction to me. Maybe that’s shallow, but it’s honest. I know many women suffer from this disease and it may have caused a few problems throughout life.
I wrote a scene in “The Convict and the Rose,” where Will and Darlina ride the Harley to Dallas to party with the Bandidos MC. It didn’t end well. Those of you who have read it know what I’m talking about.
Author, Rhani D’Chae, wrote “Shadow of the Drill,” about two bad boys, Decker and Rudy and Decker’s woman, Charlotte. I totally related to Charlotte and saw bits and pieces of myself in her (only she’s stronger and gutsier than I could ever be.)
So, in thinking about all of that, I began to wonder if there are men who grow up being attracted to “bad girls.” Do men suffer this same disease as women and for the same reasons? I did some research and found that most men want a nice girl to settle down with, but can’t deny they are attracted to bad girls. The research also found that, if they are honest, men are only thinking about bad girls from a sexual context. They don’t want a bad girl for a wife but fantasize about wild sex with them.
The study had this to say:
“When it comes to the allure of a bad girl, it’s not necessarily that men want a force of destruction in their life. It has more to do with the symbolism of what a bad girl represents. When men think of bad girls, they imagine a woman who is sexually free, open for adventure and just doesn’t care what other people think of her. These are women who play by their own rules and will try just about anything once.
In a world where many men increasingly feel that they are living a monotonous life with an overwhelming number of rules and restrictions, this can be incredibly appealing, even if it is nothing more than a fantasy. It’s the symbolic freedom that men have yearned for, the freedom that the average relationship doesn’t always allow due to the constraints of society and responsibility. Of course, men know they will be happier with supportive and responsive women in the long term, but sometimes the temporary excitement that a bad girl represents is just too much to pass up.”
I would tend to agree with that.
My new book, “When Two Worlds Collide,” has this scenario: The guy is a computer geek who almost runs a Harley rider off the road by accident. He goes to apologize and finds that it is a girl. She has a tough exterior and keeps her heart guarded for many reasons. He is compelled to “fix” her. So, it is a book of opposites. I hope that it will see the light of day sometime soon. I’m still waiting to hear from one more publisher.
I like writing about opposites and the conflict that can come from simply that one aspect.
So, what do you think? Girls, do you like bad boys, or do you avoid them? Men, are you attracted to bad girls? Tell the truth now!
Truth: I like “bad boys”, not because they are bad, but because I admire their audacity and raw way of approaching life. Their attitude is something I cannot fully embrace, hence I am attracted to what I would like to have as part of me. 🙂
Great post, Jan. Your upcoming novel sounds fascinating!
I think anyone who denies the allure of “bad” in the opposite sex is kidding themselves. It’s human nature to find being wild and free attractive. The spirit wants to soar but is caged in a physical body. Growing up, I loved all the bad boys and girls of the Wild West. Still do! Great post, girlfriend 🙂 ❤️
I totally agree, Tina! I hope you had a fabulous Mother’s Day!
I know you did, Jan! Saw your post on FB 🙂 ❤️
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Fascinating, isn’t it? I wonder if the attraction to “bad” guys (and gals too, perhaps), goes back to the tens of thousands of years when being “bad” (powerful, domineering, brutal) was a key to survival. Paired with that type of person meant you might actually live for a while. The allure, perhaps, remains in our genes. And the movies certainly shaped me as a girl. 🙂 There was always so much romance! Great post, Jan. I love the premise of the new book. 🙂
Interesting thought, Diana. It could very well be true. Being powerful definitely meant survival all through our history. I suppose it could still be part of our DNA or in our genes. I’m glad you like the premise of the new book. Now, if only a publisher would feel the same. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment. Hugs!
I’ve always been attracted to the bad boy types but those bad boys have to have endearing qualities too. They have to be a one woman kind of guy when they find the one. They have to have honorable qualities because honorable covers so many things like morals, ethics, personality and such. Great blog.
Yep. In other words, characters that we can create. 🙂
Interesting insight into the psychology of why everyday people relate to outlaws, mobsters, all-around bad guys. I know my son is fascinated by them, probably because he’s been hemmed in by rules all the time, since he was old enough to understand. It’s true, our culture, is kind of monochrome nowadays, much more so than when I was growing up, I believe.
Good point, Hebby, and I would agree. Society has worked hard to make everything black and white with no variations or color. It would be interesting to hear your son’s take on his fascination and whether he is attracted to bad girls. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.
I relate to your post, Sooz. I tried to be the “bad girl” from time to time in life, but in truth, I was never very good at it. I too get my fill of the “bad boys” by re-watching shows like Sons of Anarchy or movies like Roadhouse with Sam Elliott. 🙂 Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment.
😀My pleasure, it’s a great post. I’m enjoying reading these honest responses.
When I was very young I perceived myself as a ‘bad girl’, rightly or wrongly that’s how I thought back then. And because I saw myself that way I denied myself relationships with those good guys I met, some thought they could “rescue” me from my life, they saw themselves as some kind of unexciting but loyal ‘Sir Galahad’ … the others just wanted bragging rights with their friends.
I watched ‘Tombstone” again recently, and whilst I loved the portrayal of Wyatt Earp, it was Doc Holliday (played beautifully by Val Kilmer) who really made my blood pressure thump.
I remain determinedly single these days and grab my fill of my bad boy urges by watching “The Punisher” and “The Blacklist” and “Sons Of Anarchy” again. That’s as bad at it gets.
I’m excited to hear of the upcoming book, Jan! I’m so looking forward to reading it. ❤️️
Jan, what a fabulous fun snapshot! Love it.
I was usually attracted to the brainy guy, as long as he wasn’t too nerdy (Hutch, not Starsky, McGee, not DiNozzo)… Except right after my divorce. My psycho-ex was violent and a stalker and everything bad — and there was NOTHING romantic about it. For a few years after I escaped, I found myself drawn to the most frightening man in the room — but that was because I was afraid that something bad would happen to anyone I got involved with — I wanted somebody who could take care of himself — and that had to be super bad. Having enough sense to know that would not benefit me in any way whatsoever, I stayed out of relationships period. Now, many years later… I’m only attracted to the smart, warm, kind, faithful guy… who doesn’t exist. o_O
Have a wonderful rest of the week. Hugs!
Oh, Teagan, your experience with a “bad” guy goes way beyond the bad boy image some of us girls are drawn to. He is evil and hate filled. That’s a whole other ball game that I would NEVER want to play. Bless your heart. You are lucky to have survived and I totally understand why you would avoid a relationship of any kind. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m surrounding you with loving vibes and hugs. Thank you for sharing.
Terrific post, Jan. Truth is when I was younger, I always was attracted to what you describe as bad girls. You know the type. Slam shots, shoot pool, laugh at danger, not care what others thought. Since I was a similar type guy I didn’t hold much appeal for them long term. We all had fun but then went on to pick out someone different.
I think that’s pretty much the way it goes, John. We love the idea of reckless adventure, but not for a lifetime. 🙂 Thank you so much for taking time to comment.
Super post, Jan. I did like the picture and forgot to mention it.
I must admit in my younger days it was the bad boys who stood out from the crowd… but in reality they can be a bit of a handful in more ways that one… great photo Jan on the bike… and terrific post. xxx
Well-put, Sally. “They can be a bit of a handful” is putting it mildly. Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment. Hugs!
Brought back some memories Jan… hugsxx
P.S….I forgot to mention that some of the outlaws of the old west have always held my interest—including Billy the Kid. Also Doc Holliday. Your school paper sounded fine to me 😉
Hmmm…I think in my younger years I was probably more about the bad/alpha type male. Now that I’m older, I prefer the beta-type hero. I do think opposites attract (my husband and I are opposites in many respects).
The new story sounds awesome and I look forward to hearing more about it. Fingers crossed for you on the publisher. I’m looking forward to reading your new book!
Thank you, Mae. I do hope the story sees the light of day somehow. I know I can self-pub it, but I wanted to try for a publisher. I agree that opposites attract, but for a relationship to work, even opposites, there has to be at least a few commonalities. I appreciate your comment and happy you wouldn’t have made fun of my high school paper. 🙂
Jan- wow I loved this blog. Yes I was attracted to “bad” boys and you can guess it got me into trouble. The suave of “ I don’t give a crap” attitude was appealing. But when it came to settling down I chose just the opposite for my life partner. Rob is as far from “bad” boy as they come.
I do think guys are attracted to “bad”girls that aren’t afraid to try or do anything. But I agree with your above research, when it comes to settling down they want the “sweet innocent” girl to raise their family and be their soulmate. We humans are a funny race. We want what we know is bad for us until we decide on the grander picture, then we choose what’s safest.
I remember that story in your book about Will and Darlina.
Thanks for such an interesting blog. I hope a publisher picks your story up. I can’t wait to read it.
Love you Dear!!!!
Yes, our choices definitely can get us into trouble and I certainly made plenty of bad ones. But, we learn from our mistakes, if we live long enough. Rob is a great guy. He’s balanced and I love him because he is good to you. I do hope a publisher picks the book up too. You’ll be the first to know! 🙂 Hugs.
Oh my goodness, this will be a fascinating “must read” book, Jan. I am probably an oddity, but I’ve not been attracted to “bad boys.” Of course, the bad guys of film (Zoro, Clyde, Jason Bourne), are ultimately heroes. Who doesn’t love heroes? BTW, I love the photo of you on the bike. 🙂
Thank you for your comment, Gwen. I do hope my book will eventually see the light of day. I may have to bite the bullet and go ahead and self-pub it. I just don’t need the expense right now. 🙂 You are right. Who doesn’t love heroes! They are the good guys. Hugs!
Jan, that is a terrific photo! This is a fabulously unusual post which raises many interesting questions…I can’t wait to see the responses! As young I loved films like Bonnie & Clyde, saw Badlands so many times I was word perfect (although there weren’t too many of those!). In reality I never met anyone with a motorbike… but sure it would have held an attraction! I wanted someone with an equal zest of life but also with sense of responsibility but mainly love!
Thank you for weighing in, Annika. Good thoughts.